Separated at Birth

I’ve been digging online again for more resources on a separated pelvis during childbirth and I keep running into stories of women who describe feelings similar to mine, who are constant and then they have another kid.

Now I’m jealous.

For all the time before surgery at the end of August my husband and I had sex once and it is not a good memory. That’s once in seven months. It took a bit more than 10 weeks after surgery too. That brings us to nine-months. My son is 10-months old on his first birthday and my husband and I have celebrated the fact he is a fabulous sleeper only a handful of times.

And here I am reading about these women who are in debilitating pain from symphysis pubis dysfunction, described as a gap at the symphysis of less than 1 cm, who manage to have sex with their partners and I’m jealous. How sick is that, to be jealous of someone who has “less pain”?

Our sexual drought was absolutely by necessity. We tried lots of things. I talked with my midwife who encouraged us to find other ways to enjoy each other until I got better. But if it were up to standard practice, I’d still be waiting to get better. I’m jealous that there are women who can experience a degree of what I experienced but still have a full life with their partners.

That is the wrong attitude in every way. I need to think of these women and their struggle during that second pregnancy — which may or may not result in more pelvic pain. I wish my sisters on this journey, and their partners, only good things.

And I need to regroup and think about what is ahead for my husband and me.

I am getting there. My therapy has improved my leg muscles and my pelvis is getting stronger all the time. And that means we are slowly but surely getting that part of our life as a couple back, too.

One thing to carefully consider related to treatment is that surgery – pelvic fixation, as it is known in medical speak – would make future pregnancies extremely complicated. Because the pelvis is fixed it can not stretch the way it does naturally in pregnancy. That could mean a lot of bed rest and would absolutely require a c-section.

Even before our intimate acquaintance with diastasis symphysis pubis, my husband and I had planned for one biological child, with the possibility of adoption or fostering later. So, for us, a vasectomy for him was the best choice. It will happen later this month.