The closer I get to surgery the harder it seems to be to push through the pain.
I have no idea what the psychology is behind that. It feels opposite of running a race. When I hit the 10-mile mark of my half-marathon in May 2011 it was as though I’d been given some kind of rocket booster. It was the kick I needed to make it to the finish line. Today, I feel like seeing the finish line has untied my shoes, poked a hole in my water bottle and tripped me.
I forgot my heating pad at home today. I told my boss because I was worried it would mean I would have to go home a bit early. Turns out she is Mary Poppins in disguise. She pulled a heating pad out of a file cabinet as though it was completely normal. It made my day!
I’ve been using heat on my back at bedtime for a few months now. It seems to help me sleep. For the last several days I’ve used it at work, too, alternating heat on my back and my pubic bone. It’s awkward, but it provides some relief. It makes me so curious about the blood flow, ligaments and everything going on in there. I almost wish I could watch a recording of the surgery, just so I could see everything. Is that crazy?
I’m going to try to pack a box or two now.