In the past few months, and because of this blog, I have made a friend. She is the sister of a good friend with whom I once shared a cubicle wall. She’s a new first-time mommy who works full time, like me. And although I’ve never met her in person I know I could talk with for hours.
During these last months she has become a pen pal for me. The surprises she sends always arrive at the perfect time. A few weeks ago, just as it started to turn cold and the thought of hiking was slipping farther back into my mind, she sent this awesome Onsie for my son. It instantly got me thinking about hiking with my guys and made me smile. And it was a hit at daycare, too.
The letter that arrived today was like a firm hand, grabbing on to mine and pulling me into a brighter, cheerier place.
She wrote – in words I could stare at as long as I want: “please allow yourself to grieve.” I needed someone to give me that permission, I think, because the instant I saw the words I felt warmer, safer.
She wrote about things she’d wanted to share with me after reading posts here. She wrote about things she related to that had nothing to do with pain or pelvis. It was a beautiful reminder that some of the struggle and internal conflict I’m feeling would be here whether or not I had an injury to contend with. So true.
Every new mom I know has had a battle of some kind. There are things about being new to this crazy-important job of parenting and the ironic lack of control that comes with it that no book or conversation can solve. And the transition that comes with moving from coupledom to parenthood is different for everyone. I’m learning that every new mom has to get used to a new relationship with her body, her time, her work and her sense of place in the world. Her note helped me remember that and showed me that even though our challenges are different, we are not alone.
I’ve been meaning to send her a thank you note for weeks. I’ve been looking for a card with a Sock Monkey on it. I’ll include a picture of me and my guys taken at Halloween when I tell her how much I appreciate her kindness, friendship and generosity.
Definitely true – I’ve had to learn to accept that I can’t “Have it all”. We enjoyed a brief period of the DINKS life (double income no kids) when we could make last minute plans to head out of state for the weekend and plan vacations with the only obstacle being our work schedules. Now we spend more weekends chillin at home and taking trips to target or the home depot than I care to admit!! I laugh about it now, but I went through a period when I was pretty down about the things we can no longer do – even though I love Thomas more than anything. You’ll keep getting more and more healed, and both Thomas and Clark will get older and be able to handle doing more and more stuff. This is just a phase 🙂
Pingback: I will never forget « Separated at Birth