Pushing through

I have decided – based purely on this experience with Blue Sunshine – that a human is not meant to sit all of the time.

As my recovery from pelvic reconstruction surgery and diastasis symphysis pubis continues, my newest challenge is the tightness in my muscles. I feel as though there are cinder blocks on my shoulders pushing down on me. And the longer I sit, my lower back gets really tight. I have to fight the urge to stand and stretch by about 3 p.m.

I’ve got at least five weeks left before I can bare weight on my pelvis. I’m less frustrated these last few days with the logistics of everything but since returning to work I’m feeling a lot more knotted up than I’m used to.

My husband and I talked it through today. I’m resistant to medicine. My prescription pain killers will mask the discomfort of my muscles, but they won’t solve the problem. I decided not to take anything and just got into bed as soon as we got home. His idea was to switch to standard Tylenol and see if it helps. That would eliminate the narcotic, but it won’t loosen my muscles.

A co-worker and I talked about it and came up with a plan that might work until I can use my legs enough to stretch myself out every now and then. I’ll see if I can work it out tomorrow and report back.

In spite of these sore muscles, today was a good day. My husband went hiking with a friend. No work, no worrying about wheelchairs or diapers. My son, who is getting a slew of new teeth, is fever free and finally back to his old self it seems. He got a bath tonight and so did I, thanks to my mom. I feel refreshed!

Honestly, I don’t know what I would do if she wasn’t able to be here. It helps a lot that she’s comfortable with the kind of help I need. She was a nurse for years and worked everything from home health to intensive care and hospice. She knows her stuff and is calm under pressure.

If you find yourself contemplating a surgery like this, make sure you have people who can help you. Because we don’t have family in the community where we live our life would have been extraordinarily more complicated if my mom hadn’t been able to drop everything and come down as soon as I got home from the hospital. She arrived hours after I got home.

I reached another milestone today. The bandage strips that were put across my incision at last week’s appointment were meant to last a week, and I was told may fall off sooner. So, since it was bath time anyway, I removed them. My mom said everything looked great – as the surgeon did last week. That means there are no more dressings on my incision. Just me, my titanium and my scar.


That reminds me of something else my husband and I talked about today. Attitude is everything. I believe I am getting better – and am back to work – because I KNOW that I can be. And I have a partner who knows I can, too. And friends and co-workers who have told me I’m doing something great everyday just by showing up.

On the way to pick up the Little Guy from school I started ranting to my husband about how I am finding myself getting more and more frustrated by people with negative attitudes. Someone very dear to me sent me a message this afternoon. Apparently, I stewed about it until I saw my husband and felt safe to vent. She said she wished she could escape from her life.

I wish I could use my legs. I wish I could see the upstairs half of this townhouse we’ve lived in for nearly a month. I wish I could look in a mirror. I wish I could make myself a snack. But if I threw myself a pity party I would still wish those things and just feel miserable. I choose not to be miserable. And I know she can, too.

Push through one day at a time, whether you’re pushing wheels or carrying a burden. Believe it is possible and make it so.

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